A Boring Life - Good or Bad?   As the Holiday approaches and the knot in my stomach reappears, I realize I am growing up.    Life is seeming more monotonous in a lot of ways. But the things that keep repeating are really getting old.    The things that make you anxious and overwhelmed, continue to do so. Sometimes with more intensity and sometimes with less.   Self loathing can kick in pretty quickly too. Why does every little thing affect ME so much. So many others around me seem to be keeping it together or are just not phased by the overwhelm. Maybe they are older than I am. More used to it. Maybe they are naturally more relaxed. Maybe their inner critic isn’t the size of a monster like mine.    So many reasons. So many seasons. So many people. So many options. So many ideas. So much unknown.    I crave the routine only to feel bored.   Boredom.    A seemingly negative place to be. I can’t stand when my kids whine and complain how BOOORREEDD they are. But I can’t really blame them. I am the one looking for adventure and life. I am the one who constantly remembers how short life is.    I think about my mother often. Her life was so full. It was most definitely not boring. She liked to always be moving. She was young at heart. Alive and well as I knew her. Only for a short time was she sick in bed before she died.    At her funeral, my uncle said something so true. Many people die and we look at their lives and wonder if they lived their best life. If they lived the way they wanted to live. But she - my mother, was living the life she always wanted. Surrounded by children and grandchildren. Her kids all getting along. Helping and holding up her beloved community.    I’d give anything to go back to that monotonous, boring, predictable life. Before my life turned upside down and I am still learning the new normal of having a broken family.   It is beautiful to have 8 siblings and all be close and getting along. Don’t get me wrong, we are not some nebuch bunch that seems broken. But we are. Our leader is missing.   So what do you do without your leader? Well she isn’t here physically. So I guess my goal is to cultivate her spiritual self into my life as much as I can. She can’t help me physically, with the impossible task of sending three different kids to three different schools, all starting and ending on different dates and at different times!   She can’t cook for yuntif.    She can’t get in her car and come when she gets an SOS call from any of us.   I’m jolted. I am reminded. These things are hard but they will pass.   This life is hard, but it will pass.    Anxiety and overwhelm is unpleasant, it’s tough, but I must be tougher.   My mother isn’t here to help me physically, but she is here in spirit. In my psyche. Her voice. Her way. I will always carry that with me.   I can’t say I like this time of year. I don’t like remembering how sick she was. How fast it went. How my dreams and hopes were torn apart right in front of my eyes and I had absolutely no control.   But it will come and go. And I will take what I can from it.   Reminding myself all the while that a boring life can be a really good thing. And sad things happen that we don’t choose, but we can pick a lot of the fun, happy ones.      Check out my most popular blog post here: https://www.jproactive.com/post/gila-grief-journey   If you are ready to make peace with food and never say diet again, check out my website https://gilaglassberg.com and apply for a free 20 minute clarity call. I look forward to hearing from you!