“I wanted to know about ozempic? Can you explain the legitimacy?”
It’s a fair question. Logically, I know this is an innocent question. But my stomach starts to churn. My emotions and logic have disconnected now. I am activated. Triggered. Hoping the conversation will stop. It doesn’t.
Next- “I’ve tried losing weight, I really want to lose weight.”
“You did lose weight” comes the response.
“Oh no,” I think. Now this conversation is really taking a turn I don’t want to be involved in. I leave the room. I think about the exposure for my children. I reach inside to the advice I am constantly giving other people. Something like this-
“Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I understand why people want to lose weight. I understand why this is a never ending topic- if you think weight loss is on the table and you think you will be happier with weight loss then you will be consumed by weight loss thoughts. I have been there. I get it. My children will inevitably be exposed to ideas and concepts I don’t agree with however, I will not be able to always shelter them. I must work hard on instilling my values in my children everyday no matter what goes on around them.”
I breathe but I am not happy. I am wondering to myself “is this normal? Now that I don’t diet I am free of these types of thoughts but I am not free from the constant diet talk around me. I am not free from constantly being triggered by these conversations.”
I don’t want it to affect me. I don’t want to be activated when it comes up, especially because I know with 100% certainty that it will come up.
Fine. We eat out pizza and we move on.
Until my next pizza dinner….. With new people. This time we are all eating pizza except one. This one gets a nice “compliment,” “No carbs for you? Wow - you are so good.”
I hold my tongue but inside I am crying. I am thinking about the hundreds of people who cry because they can't eat pizza. Because their eating disorder voice has become so loud and so strong that it literally screams at them “don’t even smell it- the second you take a lick you'll gain 20 pounds.” Ok - now you are rolling your eyes. I see you. I feel your eyes moving to the back of your head. And I know you have no idea.
You think I might have fallen off the deep end. You're starting to get annoyed about people talking about Intuitive Eating because it’s just so obvious to you that being overweight is bad. Carbs are bad. Being on a diet is a must. An inevitable. I am idealistic and you are realistic right?
I know how you feel. I have been there too. I have only been on this side for a short while. I try to be realistic. I try to be compassionate and understanding of both sides. But I am angry and mad. And restless. Because I see the same thing over and over again. Day in, day out. Yuntif after yuntif. And it's not just me. It's every client I see. It’s every friend I speak to. It's every gathering. It’s everything and everywhere.
Yet- I hold on for dear life. For what I truly believe in. I believe that we are doing wrong by ourselves and our children. If you are still trying to lose weight, just ten years later, and every time you eat pizza, you feel bad about yourself- maybe- just maybe- somewhere inside you can challenge your beliefs.
Maybe you haven't failed at dieting, maybe dieting has failed you.
Maybe - it's okay to not be a size 2 or skinny at all. Maybe you think you have so much willpower but really all of your thoughts have become consumed by food.
Once you start thinking about food for more than 30% of your day, you've crossed over to disordered eating my friend. You do you - I won’t judge- but just know that there is another way. Food can be a small part of your life. It can be a great part of your life. It can feed you when you are hungry and guess what, you can move on.
I know, or at least I think, this all comes from a good place. We all want to be healthy and we want our children to be healthy. From someone who sees people either starving themselves or binging out of control, this is not the way to be healthy.
Health is much more complex than just the way we eat and the way we exercise. We must look at an entire person.
I'll take the advice I got from Evelyn Tribole, one of the authors of Intuitive Eating, years ago. She reminded me that all I can do is to plant seeds. Not everyone is ready for intuitive eating. You have to be insanely honest with yourself. You have to be ready to put people's opinions of yourself behind you. You have to be okay with going against the status quo. You may have to confront your fear with pizza. Or scarier for most people- gaining weight. I get it. I see you. I am here for you. I am wishing for a better future for us and our children. We’ll get there, one step at a time.
